My Feelings on this 10th anniversary

so today marks the 10th anniversary of September 11, 2001.  I was in 10th grade. sitting in 1st period my teacher pulled a tv shortly after the 1st tower was hit, we watched all period long. in what i believe was 3rd period my history teacher pulled in a tv, i saw the plane hit the  second tower and we watched both fall. i was wearing a black skirt and top with wedges...i remember b/c i looked down at myself shortly after the 2nd tower fell, i was in awe, didn't know how to react and ill be honest didn't even know what the WTC's were. Over the years ive been watching documentaries and reading stories about the events. Today i read and saw a picture of people jumping to their death, it was not a vulgar disrespectful images like most out there. It stated simply, "People who could not bear the heat anymore make the decision to jump to their death, two people held hands the whole way down..." would i be courageous enough to make that decision? if i did would even my best friend or even my husband support me enough to hold my hand to our deaths? its a powerful image, but that was a powerful day.  What happened to america's short lived unity? its only been 10 years, i know a lot can change but i never thought we'd hate each other more than we did before. HBO has a great documentary about the resilience of america afterward it features 84th floor survivors, President Bush, Rumsfeld and other survivors of that day.  It goes beyond just 9-11 to cover Anthrax and the shoe bomber...you can find it on Youtube. Another good one i found was also on youtube Portraits of 9-11 by aaron neighbor, it has footage ive never seen before and if you can get past the arabic music in the begining you'll really appreciate the images and video footage he captured to tell their story so well.   I always felt the shanksville, pa flight was "overlooked" so to speak but this video lists every name of every person who died on september 11, 2001.   I didn't know anyone personally who was in any of those places on that day but i do have emotions, fairly similar to that of those who have. I know what its like to lose someone close to you and you never really get over it, i can't image how it feels to lose someone so sudden or only be 11 days old when your father dies (a story in one docu) live life to the fullest, be happy and try to remember EVERYDAY not just on the day of their death the good times you were able to have with them.  My wish, all the victims families as well as survivors are able to find the peace God can give them to go through life having been affected by another persons choices. 

life sucks and so does our government.

Life (for me anyways) has been full of a LOT of ups and downs. Mainly downs. I find it disgusting that after you live your life you have no choice but to die.  Why are we here if we're ultimately gonna die and eventually never be thought of or talked about again. In the past 4 years i've lost 4 members of my family. April 2007 i lost my Aunt, in the fall of 2008 i lost my Grandmother in law shortly to be followed by her mothers death in october 2008 and now my Grandfather in law died today shortly after 4p.m.  all of whom died from cancer.  Every year me and my husband have been married we've had to endure a death in our family, i can't help but think "who's it going to be next year?"... i think ive gone to my dark place where i really am starting to not care about things anymore. The last time i was here wasn't pretty but im willing to bet that no one in my family even knows i was there! i became good at hiding my feelings growing up. i have come to the conclusion that this world sucks....it sucks huge donkey balls. i know that im supposed to be looking past "this world" and i know the only thing that "really matters" is your relationship with God but i can't. i hate that my boys have another person that has left their lives.  I hate that i may have to explain to them why we can't go visit pop pop or tell them why he had to die.  i think there should have been an agreement the day you were born, if you live a good life and are kind, giving and just an all around good person you were guaranteed a certain amount of years to live and if you ended up becoming a criminal than your life was cut short.  that seems more fair to me than what is happening now. bad people live to grow old and good people die in their prime.  yea, i know all things happen for a reason but i think the reason my aunt had to die sucks, and i do question where God was in that...why?...because thats how i feel and im not gonna lie about it anymore. I dont see a reason for it and i dont like it and im not going to "get over it"or "move on". its been 4 years so obviously trying to do those doesn't work.  Im for the death penalty, im against abortion and the answer people have as to how someone can make those choices (b/c they think they are contradictory) is simple. An unborn child didn't choose to be created, and may not have the chance to choose what they will become, an inmate on the other hand had choices and chose wrong, they chose to ruin their lives as well as others. They chose to be men and women who do the criminal lifestyle, and most of them had second chances and blew it an innocent baby in the womb has not had the chance to make any decision for itself.  i dont think its a womans right to choose what happens to her body when it concerns another person if you look at statistics only about 10% of all abortions in the u.s. are from rape/incest so the whole argument over rape cases doesn't apply anymore. i knew a woman who has had 6 abortions!  6! she was having sex got pregnant didn't want it and got rid of it....6 times!!!!!  there was no rape/incest there! one of those babies could've found the cure for cancer. so no i dont think its ok for someone to decide that a life form wont get to fully form and have a chance to change the world b/c its an inconveniecne to them at that time in their life!  i am not a femenist, i think women should stay home (if they want) with their kids b/c you wont get that time back. i work full time and im gone at least 3 days a week  my 3 yr old told me today between sobs "mommy...i...dont like it when....your gone...on work....i.....miss.....you...." no mother wants to hear that from their kids. the person who could've solved this debt crisis (so i wouldn't have had to go back to work and be the provider) was probably aborted.  thats how i look at these abortions, those babies could've been or had the answers to some huge problems in our lives now.  i dont doubt that cancer wouldn't be a big issue now if one woman decided to put her own selfish desires away for 9 months and have a baby and give it  up for adoption or even keep it!    so theres my rant for today....death, cancer, abortion and life's problems basically coming down to our government legalizing immorality b/c they're too cowardly to leagalize morallity.