so i heard this song the other day on my way home from work (a two hr. drive), "if heaven wasn't so far away" by Rhett Akins. The song talks about how if heaven wasn't so far away he'd pack up his kids and go for the day to visit introduce his kids to their grandpa, visit old friends, and show his cousin a picture of his daughter he'd never met. Needless to say its an emotional song.
There is not a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache for my Aunt. I have been an emotional wreck for the last 4 yrs because of her death. I cry over anything and everything, so you can only imagine that as im driving over the Bay Bridge and this song is playing that im balling my eyes out trying to drive. but this song really is the desire of my heart, i so wish i could take my kids to meet their aunt stephanie and their great grandma anne and great great grandma mayble. It breaks my heart that they'll never know the way she loved.
She had such a special way to make us feel individually important and loved and wanted. I miss her so much, sitting here typing and thinking about her makes me cry because i took our short time together for granted and i hate that.
She asked me (my senior year of high school) to come have lunch with her on mondays b/c i got out early and she only worked about 35 min away. Every monday for months we did that, just the two of us. My dad had this thing where when i did something or said something off the wall or "stupid" he'd call me "christa thorel" Thorel was my aunt last name. i told her about it one time and she said, "id love to have you as my daughter"...there was and is no one like her. I hope im half the aunt to my soon to be neice/nephew that she was to me. i can only hope to show them how special they really are.
It breaks my heart to a million pieces that Austin and Cooper wont know her. She would love them so much and she would LOVE to take them to the beach! I think of her every time we go, its hard not to since the last time i wen to the beach with her was for july 4th weekend 2004 in O.C. maryland and i live 30 min from there now. She was always proud of me. She is the reason i do photography, she inspired me and i can only pray that she knows how grateful i am to her for it.
Stephanie, i miss you, i love you, not a day goes by i dont think about you. I can literally feel my heart breaking just thinking of everything i dont get to do with you anymore. I often listen to pop music just to imagine what she would look like singing along and dancing to it in the car. No one could ever come close to replacing you and no one will ever be able to love me and my brother and sister the way you did. Breast cancer doesn't define you and i refuse to spend a bunch of money of breast cancer stuff to "remember you by" i dont want to remember you suffering for weeks, i dont want to remember you as someone who battled breast cancer, i want to remember you for who you were the first 20 years of my life. The best aunt anyone could ever hope for. "if heaven wasn't so far away id pack up the kids and go for the day...." God knows id be there in a minute!
All my love,
Your neice
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